Lisa: Lauren Dobbins Webb
Peter: Rick Steadman
Doctor X: Keith Allan
Nina: Alysha Brady
Sally: Jennifer Lee Weaver
Jazmin: Alina Phelan
Nurse: Grace Eboigbe
Stage Ninja 1: Dan Wingard
Stage Nina 2: Pierce Baird
Director: Jaime Robledo
Lisa: a crimestopper, female
Peter: a heart doctor, male
Doctor X: eveil but misunderstood, male
Nina: a Crimefighter, female
Sally: a Crimefighter, female
Jazmin: a Crimefighter, female
Nurse: a nurse, female
The Commissioner: played by the actor who plays Doctor X
Man: played by the actor who plays Peter
Woman: played by the actor who plays Nurse
Girl: played by the actor who plays Jazmin
Carson: played by the actor who plays Doctor X
Ed: played by the actor who plays Peter
Note: Actors can be any race.
Publication: Szymkowicz, Adam. Hearts like Fists. Dramatists Play Service, 2013. Drama Library PS3619.Z965 H43 2013.
Setting: New York City; now
I’m going to be late to my date. But I ran out of fabric softener. Should I go get the fabric softener and be a little later and then carry it around on the date? Or should I just go without it and have clothes that aren’t as soft?
Plot: [From the published text.] A superhero noir comedy about the dangers of love.
Lisa, who is so beautiful she causes men to fall to their deaths, falls in love with Peter, a doctor who is obsessed with creating an artificial heart so that no one suffers a broken heart. She also happens to be the only civilian to survive a fight with arch villain Doctor X—who was once an ordinary doctor who fell in love with a one-night stand and got his heart broken, so now he poisons couples in their sleep. As a result of Lisa’s fight with Doctor X, she’s asked to join the Crimefighters, a trio of female superheroes who fight crime by night and are nurses by day. Will Lisa and Peter find happiness? Will Peter perfect his artificial heart? Will Doctor X ever find the woman with a face like a plate and end his reign of terror? Will the Crimefighters be able to stop Doctor X and find happiness of their own? All will be revealed…
Representative Monologues: Monologues contain the first few lines and the last few lines; please consult the published text for the monologue in its entirety.
p. 7: Prologue. Doctor X monologues regarding his origins as a super villain. It was all because of the woman with a face like a plate. Long monologue.
Spotlight on Doctor X, a truly terrible creature with sunken eyes and deep scars all over. Disfigured, stethoscope around the neck, wearing a doctor’s lab coat, carrying a doctor’s bag.
I have a face like a bowl of worms. Squirming around the ticks, the scars, the moles. It’s disgusting. A face like this. It’s absurd, without meaning or purpose. And I honestly can’t say if I’m an experiment gone awry or if I was just born this way. [lines cut] I didn’t know you weren’t drunk on me. How could I have missed the diagnosis? How could I have avoided the bald shock, the morning discovery, to wake up and find your note? And now I can’t remember anything except you. Your face everywhere I go. You will pay. Everyone will pay. You will all pay dearly.
p. 17-18: Peter and Lisa are on a date when the Crimefighters approach Lisa about joining their group. While they’re in the bathroom conferencing, he debates the merits of getting involved with her. In fact, he is terrified of the idea of falling in love with her.
She will hurt you. She will break you over her knee. She will hurt you and she will tear you and she will rip you apart. Who are you that you think you can withstand her? You are just a man. You are a vulnerable man with tiny veins and blood rushing through your too fast. [lines cut] She will break you. She will hurt you and tear you and break you and pull you until there will be nothing of you left. She will—
Peter stands. He takes his coat and leaves the restaurant.
p. 23: Lisa is reeling from her first rejection. Short monologue.
Lisa walks down the street in a fog. Sound of men whistling and catcalls. She keeps walking. A car screeching and a huge crash as the car hits something. Car alarms.
Sorry. (Lisa continues to walk. As she speaks, there may be more catcalls, sounds of men walking into posts and mailboxes.) What is this feeling, so unpleasant, like my insides rotting or my outside melting? There is a bad taste in my mouth that won’t go away. I feel itchy and oversized and everything is crawling. Is this what rejection is? [lines cut] He knows I’m no good. I could have fought Doctor X harder. I could have climbed the fire escape faster maybe. Or I could have tried harder to love them back. If I had made myself maybe or—
p. 48: Peter has completed his artificial heart. Moderate length monologue.
Peter in his workshop in the hospital, takes an artificial heart out of a box. It beats.
Here you are, my spare heart. Mother said, always have a spare. You never know, she said. Do everything twice. Just in case. Always have an extra pencil. Always bring an extra sandwich. And give it away if you can. To the kid with the torn jacket who smells like pee. [lines cut] You will be the circulatory saver of this world. But right now, I’m the one in need of your help. I’m the kid with the torn jacket, except the jacket is a heart. Tomorrow, they will crack my chest open and put you inside, and then I will never need to be afraid again.
p. 21-22: The origin of Doctor X, supervillain. Starts with
Nurse moves into another scene where Doctor X is in the bed. Nurse gets under the sheets with him. This is a flashback. They are post-coital. .
Well, that was—
and ends with
No, I won’t. I won’t let you go. Never let you go. Never. Never. (Nurse gets up and walks away. The flashback ends. We are in the present and Doctor X is in his bed. He awakes alone.) Where did you go? How could you go? I was holding so tightly. You will pay! You will all pay! No one will have love unless I have love!!! You hear me?!! You hear me, world?! (Doctor X gets his doctor’s bag. He loads a syringe, tests it and exits into the night.)
p. 27-28: Lisa and Nina are on patrol. Nina confesses she let Doctor X get away the last time she and the other Crimefighters faced him. She fears their next meeting.. Starts with
Nina and Lisa scour the streets in full Crimefighter getup. Normal city noises.
There aren’t any accidents.
and ends with
p. 49-51: Doctor X has been captured and hospitalized. Nina, who is fascinated by him, guards his room. Of course, he manipulates her and makes his escape. Starts with
Nina stands in the room of Doctor X. She stares at him. He does not seem to notice.
Right there. Could almost touch her. Face like a plate.
and ends with
Sorry. (Doctor X leaves. Nina sobs.)
Select Bibliography of Reviews and Criticism: (Note: article title links are to the online versions, mostly UW-only restricted unless designated as open access.)
Sundermann, E. (2012, Dec 05). Hearts like fists hits hard. [open access] The Village Voice, p.1.
Webster, A. (2012, Dec 06). Avengers with motives personal, professional and just because. New York Times, p.C5.